


What do you want?

by Craftybadger1234



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Hermione Granger Bashing, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Songfic, Switching, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 09:37:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14691462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Craftybadger1234/pseuds/Craftybadger1234
Summary: There are two kinds of bad boy - the kind that is secretly a cinnamon roll, and the kind that is an abusing bastard.This is the broken story of a broken boy finding his own bad boy.





	What do you want?

**Author's Note:**

> Idea for this came from Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. I know, I'm late to every party.
> 
> Special thanks to CleopatraIsMyName for her help as beta.

_What is with you lately?_

Ginny’s words buzzed in Harry’s head, unrelenting. _What is with you lately?_ He didn’t know. Or he did but wouldn’t admit it. _What is with you lately?_

He brushed past the spells on the door to the eighth year boys’ toilets without a thought, already pulling his tie off. He needed a shower. To wash away those words so he wouldn’t have to think them anymore.

_What is with you lately?_

“What the _fuck_ Potter? The door was locked for a reason!”

Harry stared, dumbfounded. 

Draco Malfoy stood naked as the day he was born by the shower, hand wrapped around his sizeable erection. His other hand, testing the temperature of the water, tried to pull the shower curtain around himself without getting water all over the floor.

Harry’s breath caught in his throat and he couldn't speak. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. He could only stare at the naked flesh, or rather where the naked flesh had been before it was covered.

_What is with you lately?_

“You’d get a better view if you came over here and sucked it, you prick.” Malfoy scowled and stepped into the shower, drawing the curtain closed behind him. “Get the fuck out and lock the door behind you.”

Numb all over, Harry shuffled forward. He could hear Malfoy’s stillness in the cadence of the water falling. He wasn’t moving, waiting to see what Harry would do while he was defenceless.

Naked.

Harry ripped the curtain open, startling Malfoy. Wide-eyed shock, and then fear, crossed his features before they settled back into a scowl. “What do you _want_ , Potter?”

Steam rose from behind Malfoy, and Harry felt the droplets of water Malfoy’s body didn’t block. Slowly, Harry sank to his knees on the raised edge of the shower. Shaky hands slid up Malfoy’s thighs to draw him close.

Sighing, Harry rested his forehead on the soft flesh of Malfoy’s stomach. The skin there was cool and damp, in direct contrast to the water-heated flesh on the back of his thighs. Drawing a shuddering breath, Harry kissed along Malfoy’s stomach, down to his now-softened cock. 

_What is with you lately?_

“P-Potter?” Malfoy asked hesitantly.

Harry couldn’t answer. He licked and kissed along Malfoy’s prick, sucking gently and moaning as he felt it get thick and hard on his tongue. He’d never done this before but he’d been on the receiving end a few times and figured that experience would help. Malfoy seemed to have no complaints.

Malfoy’s hand sunk into Harry’s hair, and a cascade of water hit his clothes. He didn’t care. Couldn’t care about the wet clothes, or the pain from the tiles digging in his knees. All he wanted was this cock in his mouth and the feel of slick skin sliding along his tongue. His own prick throbbed against his zip, but he wasn’t experienced enough to take care of them both. He could wait. He _would_ wait. 

His fingers dug into Malfoy’s thighs and his moans became desperate as he sucked harder, faster. He needed this. _Needed_ this. The muscles in Malfoy’s arse rippled under his questing hands as he pumped his hips against Harry. 

“Almost… Fuck, Potter… Almost there…” 

Malfoy’s words spurred Harry on. Digging his hands into fleshy hips, he growled as he took Malfoy as hard and as deep as he could. He needed… so close… With a garbled yell, Malfoy came in hot, heavy waves that slid easily down Harry’s throat.

Gasping, Malfoy stepped back, spraying Harry with water again. Harry slumped forward and tore his trousers open. Shoving his hand down his pants, he stroked himself desperately. 

Three strokes, four, and, “Fuck, _yes_...” he moaned as he came over the floor of the shower. His racing heart thudded in his ears as he watched his come swirl down the drain.

Wiping his mouth absently, he stood and fixed his clothing. He couldn’t bear it if Malfoy said something now. He didn’t want anything to shatter this single, perfect moment.

_What is with you lately?_

Fucking hell. He turned on his heel and hurried for the door, slamming and warding it behind him.

_What is with you lately?_

When Harry finally found Ginny, his clothes were still damp and his mouth still tasted of Malfoy.

“I’m sorry, Ginny. But it’s over for us.”

\--------

Two days. That was as long as Harry could wait before seeking Malfoy out again. He found him by the lake, reading a battered paperback. His t-shirt, sleeves cut away to expose his arms, rippled in the wind, riding up to expose the pale skin of his belly. His dark mark was faded, but the ring of flames tattooed around his right bicep stood out in sharp relief. Harry’s mouth watered at Malfoy’s long legs splayed out on his blanket, encased in buttery soft black leather.

He sat next to Malfoy without a word. Malfoy set his book aside and tucked an arm under his head, eyes closed against the bright sunlight.

“You really broke up with her?”

“Yeah.” Harry plucked a blade of grass and shredded it with his fingernails.

“For me?”

Yes. “No.”

“Ah… just friends then?”

Harry didn't want to be friends. He wanted those legs wrapped around his waist while he buried his face in that pale neck and bit it hard enough to leave marks. He wanted those pink lips around his cock, sucking him dry. 

He wanted to feel okay with desiring this boy.

“Yeah,” Harry said, leaning back on his hands. He let his fingers brush against Malfoy in a way he hoped seemed accidental. “Friends.”

“We could be friends that fuck around sometimes. No strings attached.”

And then those legs wrapped around Harry’s waist and pink lips claimed his for a bruising kiss. 

Friends. For now.

\--------

Draco Malfoy was a complete and utter slag, and everyone knew it. Still, even a whore was allowed to say no if they wanted to.

To Harry’s eyes, Malfoy didn’t seem happy to find himself on his knees for two boys in muggle clothes instead of their uniforms.

Harry pulled his wand and cleared his throat to get the attention of all three boys. “Is this what you wanted?”

The bigger boy smirked, “He always wants it. Don’t you, Malfoy?”

Malfoy’s eyes met Harry’s and he lifted his chin. “Sure… unless I’ve got _friends_ to hang out with.”

Harry raised his wand. “Get back to your common rooms and if I see you near him again, I’ll hex your dicks off.”

They scowled at Harry but left without fuss.

Malfoy smirked, “Since I’m down here…”

Harry knelt in front of him and wrapped him in a hug. Malfoy was a complete and utter slag, and everyone knew it. But Harry hadn’t thought about what that meant until he’d witnessed it himself a few weeks ago. The slant of this mouth over another boy’s. The moaning in pleasure. The way their hips rocked together, heedless of anyone else walking down the corridor.

And he _wanted_.

Hadn’t felt right since that moment. 

The ugly words of his childhood resurfaced. _Dirty faggots, disgusting freaks._ Abnormal. Different. 

He thought he could hide it but it was too much. Until finally Ginny had to ask, “What is with you lately?”

He _wanted_.

Those pink lips he couldn’t stop dreaming of caressed his ear. “What do you want, Harry?”

Kisses to drown in. Hands moving over his body, too fast to track. This angular body rocking against his.

Harry shuddered. “I don’t know.”

Malfoy pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Want to find a quieter spot to figure it out?”

A nod, a furtive escape to an empty classroom, a spell to ward the door.

And Harry came buried deep in the luscious arse of Draco Malfoy, complete and utter slag.

\--------

Ginny was surprisingly supportive of his new friendship with Malfoy. She didn’t mind sharing meals with Malfoy, or revising with him in the library. She didn’t care that he tagged along when they went flying or down to Hogsmeade.

Harry told her Malfoy needed protecting and being friends was helping keep him safe.

“Ever the hero, aren’t you?” she said with a smile.

Harry loved her. Would always love her. She was kind and patient, and helped him when the nightmares swelled up to consume him whole.

They were friends. Then they were lovers. And they were happy. Until that walk down the Charms corridor when Harry’s world flipped upside down.

It was Hermione that objected. “You’re spending all your time with him! We never see you anymore!”

Ginny crossed her arms and defended Harry, “He’s keeping Malfoy safe! Isn’t that worthy of his time? You’d rather students were assaulted in the hallways?”

“Of course not,” Hermione scoffed. “But surely Malfoy can defend himself! We just miss you, Harry. Don’t you miss us?”

He did. But he _needed_ what Malfoy had to offer. He wanted Malfoy’s ‘fuck them all’ attitude. He didn’t want to go to another charity evening and relive the worst moments of his life in front of a crowd. He wanted to hold Malfoy’s hand and be free of expectations.

“Harry, you’ve missed group three times now and people are starting to notice. You make a difference there. If you want to save people, that’s the place to start. Malfoy is fine on his own.”

Harry didn’t want to go to group anymore. He couldn’t speak about his nightmares to kids that looked to him to be the hero always and at all times.

He cleared his throat, “I’ll be there tomorrow. I promise.”

Ginny smiled at him and Harry’s heart skipped a beat. How could she smile like that when he’d broken it off between them?

She still smiled when Harry brought Malfoy to the group therapy session Hermione had been running for months. Her smile faltered when Harry gripped Malfoy’s hand like a lifeline. And she outright frowned when Harry whispered in Malfoy’s ear and the two of them left together.

“What do you want, Harry?” Malfoy whispered in his ear.

Harry wanted to be the hero everyone expected and get the girl. He wanted to just be himself and get the boy. 

“I don’t know.”

“That’s all right. We’ll figure it out.”

\--------

Word spread fast about Harry and Malfoy. No one had seen anything beyond holding hands as they left therapy, but that was enough to fuel the Fiendfyre of gossip around the school.

Harry dug his nail into a scratch in the table in front of him, listening to his friends bicker and speculate.

“You can’t really mean to take up with _Malfoy_? Can you, Harry?” Hermione asked.

“He’s allowed to date, Hermione!” Ginny replied. She reached out to caress Harry’s hair. He closed his eyes, remembering. The soft sighs, the gentle caresses, the love they shared. It wasn’t enough.

“But Malfoy? Really? He’s slept with everyone in this school! Surely you can find someone better.”

Harry didn’t want better. Or rather, there _was_ no one better. Malfoy’s body, the timbre of his voice, the weariness in his eyes that mirrored Harry’s. It haunted Harry day and night. Filled his heart to overflowing.

“Oh relax, Hermione,” Ginny huffed. “It’s just a phase. He’ll get over it faster if you stop hounding him so much.” She smiled at Harry and he could see in her eyes, not acceptance of him, but resigned waiting. Waiting for it to be her turn again.

“Maybe,” Harry said hoarsely, “you were the phase, Ginny.”

The fire in her eyes died. She looked sadly at Harry, and nodded.

\--------

“What do you want, Harry?” Malfoy asked, his lips ghosting over Harry’s skin.

Harry couldn’t look into understanding grey eyes. He stared at the ceiling above his bed and drew a shuddering breath. He whispered, “Will you fuck me?”

He heard the smile in his voice when Malfoy said, “I thought you’d never ask.”

\--------

Ginny smiled, on the arm of someone new. Someone that was not broken like Harry. She kissed Harry’s cheek and offered a soft, “Good luck.”

Harry slumped in his chair at the group therapy Hermione consistently dragged him to. He only went because Malfoy promised to stay at his side. The attendance skyrocketed once his relationship became public. 

Harry wanted to leave.

He frowned when Hermione handed out pamphlets to the gathered students. About PTSD. About the differences between panic and anxiety attacks. About dealing with the loss of a loved one.

And the one she handed to Harry specifically, about how to recognise abusive behaviour.

Harry scanned the words, struggling to breathe. Slender fingers that had touched his soul skated down his back and caressed the skin just under the hem of his shirt. He could breathe again.

And he remembered he could leave, because he was not a prisoner.

He stood with Malfoy and headed to the door.

“Harry!” Hermione called.

All eyes were already on him, waiting expectantly for his reaction. They hovered on the edges of their seats.

“I’m done. With therapy. This therapy.”

“You can’t just leave, Harry! We need you!”

Harry looked at the pamphlet still clutched in his fist. “It’s not Malfoy. It’s you.” He threw the paper on the floor. “Controlling. Demanding.” He looked away. “Demeaning.” 

“Harry… “ she said softly.

“I just want - I - “ His words choked off and tears burned in his eyes.

“What, Harry?” Malfoy said, taking his hand. Grey eyes looked at him calmly, steadying Harry’s rapid heartbeat. “What do you want, Harry?”

“I don’t want to be friends.”

The pink lips he loved curled up into a smile. “I don’t either.”

\--------

Harry nuzzled into Malfoy’s neck. He nibbled gently. Kissed along his jaw. The desperate clawing in his chest had eased and he felt happy.

Truly happy.

“What do you want, Harry?”

“I want your love.”

“It’s already yours.”


End file.
